Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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