And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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