We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
