Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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