Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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