Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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