just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
