called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
