I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
