She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
