I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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