You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
