She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
