I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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