oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
