literally had 100 drinks last night.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
