So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
