I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
