Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Damn victory sex feels great
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
