wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
