he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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