ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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