im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
