I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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