I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
