Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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