guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
