Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
