your parents love me but you hate me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
