He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
