He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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