I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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