babies were throwing up all over the place
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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