YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
