Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
