i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
