eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
