I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
