Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
