I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
