I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
