Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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