I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
