last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
