U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
