He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
