he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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