Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
