There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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