I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
