He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
