It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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