I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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