You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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