Cold hands, warm shart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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