It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
