Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
